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Why I went into being a Bereavement Doula

October is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness month. In a few days, I will ask you to share your baby loss stories with me on my Facebook Page. On October 15th, take a picture of you lighting a candle for your baby, and write your story on my page. With you permission, I will share your story anonymously.

On the eve of Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Moth, Chrissy Teigen posted photos of her pregnancy loss with emotional captions. The 1 in 4 of us rallied behind her and empathised with her pain. However, there were many who shamed her for posting pictures of a dead baby. This caused an uproar from the loss community, and many of them posted many pictures of their dead babies.

Which made me realise: I don’t have that many pictures of my dead baby. I only have 3 that the hospital took. I wish I had pictures of his beautiful face. Or his broad shoulders like his older brother. I will forever regret this.

But I forgive myself. Because in my very distraught state, I didn’t realise what I needed to do at that moment. At first, I didn’t want to see him or hold him. Then I didn’t want to let him go. Then I didn’t want to take pictures of him, and then I regretted that decision. But thank goodness in my case, the hospital see a lot of loss cases and have plans in place. Before leaving, they gave me a book with 3 of his pictures and his foot print. I cherish this book with everything. But that is all I have of him besides his ashes in an urn.

As a matter of fact, I don’t have any pictures of my pregnancy either. It was a “pregnancy after loss” pregnancy and I struggled to celebrate any milestones. We never made a cute announcement. I was a nervous wreck the whole time. As a result, I started getting horrible heart palpitations from my stress.

After taking months of healing, and realising my own regrets, I knew that other parents of loss would also not have a “manual on loss” or know what to do in a case of loss or termination. I wanted to help other parents of loss not only deal with their grief and the pain of having a baby die, but I wanted to be there for them to collect as many mementos as possible. Let me carry your weight of not knowing what to do, because I know what to do.

With my services, you will be getting a lovely memory box that includes collecting samples of the baby’s hair or nails, candles to light for them, blankets, socks and a hat to capture their smell,stamps of their hands and feet and more. You can keep this memory box displayed prominently in your living room as a conversation piece or as something just for you. As a mom of loss, I know how important these mementos are. Because at the end of the grief journey, all you have are those things.

You can do this. I have you. Don’t worry.

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